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Author Topic: Bachelor Tips  (Read 18349 times)

Offline skeetley

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Bachelor Tips
« on: May 19, 2004, 03:07:16 PM »
Due to the overwhelming number of fellow bachelors in this forum, I think we should share a list of tips that make bachelor living easier.

Post your tips guys!
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Offline skeetley

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Bachelor Tips
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2004, 03:08:03 PM »
Have your dog sweep floors with tail and lick up all crumbs. If there are any stubborn spots that require scrubbing recruit the cat. You may have to add some tuna water to spot in order to insure a thorough job. (It's about time their earned their keep!) If you do not have a dog or cat, you are in trouble! Quick! Go find one roaming the neighborhood! (Remember... Kittens are free!)
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Offline skeetley

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« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2004, 03:08:40 PM »
If you don't want to take out the trash, try to bribe a neighbor or guilt them into it. Say you hurt your back or some other sob story. A good story might even get a few sympathy dinners out of the neighbor as well! Try not to use the same story too often as they might get suspicious.
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Offline Stewart

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« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2004, 03:11:38 PM »
My first tip would be Eating arrangements.

Many people argue that learning to cook is an essential skill for the single gentleman. I disagree. Cooking requires years of practice to produce food of any decent quality.

I reccomend Pizza take away. This is fast affordable and 99% of the time produces edible food.

Not only does this save you time for the forums but it lowers the amount of dishes to be done.

With the empty pizza box you can then store it in the corner and begin your DIY Book Shelves.

See two tips for the price of one.
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Offline skeetley

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« Reply #4 on: May 19, 2004, 03:13:22 PM »
Need to vacuum? Call up a salesman for a vacuuming demonstration. Have him show you how the vacuum works in all parts of the house. Insist that even though the carpet looks the same, it really is different in all parts of the house. Some valuable tips for success: Don't always call same company, keep a chart and rotate.
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Offline Stewart

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« Reply #5 on: May 19, 2004, 03:17:19 PM »
Electricity bills getting to high?

Fear no more. why pay for electricity when the daft old lady downstairs has no idea how much it actually costs. Go give her a visit and she'll invite you in for a coffee. While she's preparing Coffee run a 2.5mm T&E (2.5mm core Twin and Earth cable, available from any DIY store) from the mains to your place. With youe newly rerouted Mains Cable you can now safely use her electricity to our hearts delight. When she starts complaining about the bills going up you can claim she is going senile and she'll be evicted to an old persons home. You now have 2 apartments to yourself.
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Offline skeetley

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« Reply #6 on: May 19, 2004, 03:18:48 PM »
Yard work got you down?

Raise goats for some extra income. Set them loose in the yard and they will keep the grass trimmed nice and neat. Plus they'll eat any of the debris that gets in the yard. Sell them in the winter, then you can start with a new bunch in the spring.
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Offline Stewart

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« Reply #7 on: May 19, 2004, 03:25:27 PM »
Lack of Televeision?

Fear no more for Shadow will tell you how to cope.

With your newly installed electricity you can place a lamp on the floor (not have a lamp just "borrow" Mrs Wilson from the appartment below's, if she reports it missing blame senility) so it casts it lighht against a blank wall.

Now patrol the neighbourhood for a 2nd cat (you already have 1 right from cleaning the carpet). With this 2nd cat tie it's tail to the first cats tail and give both catnip.

For the next 2 hours you can watch their shadows.

Far more entertaining than TV and more educational.
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Offline skeetley

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« Reply #8 on: May 19, 2004, 03:26:03 PM »
If it sprays, it can probably kill.

Thatís right. Just about anything that sprays can kill. Bugs, that is. Why waste precious minutes shopping for insect sprays? You might miss part of Baywatch Hawaii (Pete). Bah! Do the manly thing: improvize. Nearly every spray can under your kitchen sink can kill in the proper dosage.
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leighsww

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Bachelor Tips
« Reply #9 on: May 19, 2004, 03:30:22 PM »
ROTFLM!!!!!!!  :)  :)  :)  :)

Where's my Depends?  :cry:

Offline TranzNDance

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« Reply #10 on: May 19, 2004, 03:30:32 PM »
Quote from: skeetley
If it sprays, it can probably kill.

Thatís right. Just about anything that sprays can kill. Bugs, that is. Why waste precious minutes shopping for insect sprays? You might miss part of Baywatch Hawaii (Pete). Bah! Do the manly thing: improvize. Nearly every spray can under your kitchen sink can kill in the proper dosage.

Yeah, I use glass cleaner to kill bugs. Thus, there's no icky smell :thumb:
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Offline Stewart

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« Reply #11 on: May 19, 2004, 03:31:50 PM »
Homemade Hair Gel.

Why pay a fortune for Hair Gel at the shops. Simply make your own and spend the saved cash on something else.

Simply order a pizza with extra cheese and when it arrives remove the paper from inside the box and wipe liberally through the hair. Voila Hair that dares. There are many more uses for Pizza which I will reveal as time goes on.
for friends dearly missed
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leighsww

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Bachelor Tips
« Reply #12 on: May 19, 2004, 03:32:14 PM »
Hey, Thu2, you can't post your tips, cuz you're not a bachelor ... or are you of the opposite GENDER, as well?

GAD, a lot of "bi's" here!  :shock:

Offline skeetley

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« Reply #13 on: May 19, 2004, 03:34:47 PM »
I find that dusting is very easy when you just use that can of compressed air that is intended for your computer.  Instead of wasting time on rags and stuff, just point and shoot.  Try and make it a game.  I pretend that I am a secret agent and the dust is the evil villan.
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Offline Stewart

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« Reply #14 on: May 19, 2004, 03:34:48 PM »
Whoooooooah whooooooah ladies.

You can't be in here. It's the bachelor pad.

What if we'd wanted to spend the evening sitting in just our underwear eating pizza and watching the cat shadows?
for friends dearly missed
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