Hmm yeah, looks a bit dead.
Majo: I wish to complain about this forum what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Hostalot: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
M: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
H: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
M: Look, matey, I know a dead forum when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
H: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable forum, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!
M: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
H: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
M: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!
(shouting at the terminal)
'Ello, Mister Website of the Month! I've got a lovely fresh posting for you if you show...
H: (hits the Enter Key)
There, he moved!
M: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the Enter Key!
H: I never!!
M: Yes, you did!
H: I never, never did anything...
M: (yelling and hitting the Enter Key repeatedly) 'ELLO WEBBY!!!!!
Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes forum out of the terminal and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Now that's what I call a dead forum.
H: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
M: STUNNED?!?
H: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.
M: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That forum is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
H: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
M: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
H: The Norwegian Blue prefers kippin' on its back! Remarkable forum, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!
M: Look, I took the liberty of examining that forum when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
H: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that forum down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
M: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this forum wouldn't "voom" if you put four million bytes through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
H: No no! 'E's pining!
M: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This forum is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker!
'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies!
'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig!
'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!
THIS IS AN EX-FORUM!!
(pause)
H: Well, I'd better replace it, then.
(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of forums.
M: I see. I see, I get the picture.
H: I got a slug.
(pause)
M: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it talk?
H: Nnnnot really.
M: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
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